Fastest time to eat a jam doughnut without licking my lips
A genuine world record attempt, properly witnessed, properly timed, and rejected on a technicality I still think was wrong.
The record exists. People attempt it. There is a procedure, and the procedure is where I came unstuck.
You need two independent witnesses of good standing who are not related to you, a timekeeper with a calibrated stopwatch, unbroken video from a fixed camera, and a doughnut conforming to the specification: sugared, jam-filled, and within a stated weight range. You may not lick your lips. You may not wipe your mouth. The sugar is the entire difficulty — it gets everywhere and it makes you want to lick your lips more than you have ever wanted anything.
31.44
Which would have been comfortably inside it.
The video shows the doughnut. It shows me. It shows the stopwatch at the start and the stopwatch at the end. What it does not clearly show, because my head is in the way for four seconds around the twenty-second mark, is my mouth.
The application was declined on the evidence, not on the attempt. The wording was that they were “unable to verify continuous compliance”, which is fair and which I have read more times than is healthy.
My timekeeper, my brother, maintains I did not lick my lips. He would also maintain that if I had.
I am going to do it again with two cameras.