A blog about winning things that do not matter.https://theemilyclarke.comhttps://theemilyclarke.com/jam-doughnuthttps://theemilyclarke.com/jam-doughnutA genuine world record attempt, properly witnessed, properly timed, and rejected on a technicality I still think was wrong.Sat, 16 Mar 2024 00:00:00 GMThttps://theemilyclarke.com/gravy-wrestlinghttps://theemilyclarke.com/gravy-wrestlingTwo minutes in a paddling pool of cold Lancashire gravy, scored not on wrestling but on entertainment, dressed as a bee.Mon, 29 Aug 2022 00:00:00 GMThttps://theemilyclarke.com/isle-of-manhttps://theemilyclarke.com/isle-of-manA volunteer build for a children's respite charity, thirty-five minutes by plane from Liverpool, which is never the answer anybody is hoping for.Fri, 20 May 2022 00:00:00 GMThttps://theemilyclarke.com/laser-removalhttps://theemilyclarke.com/laser-removalNineteen months of laser to retire a tattoo that had been pointing confidently in the wrong direction since 2017.Wed, 11 Aug 2021 00:00:00 GMThttps://theemilyclarke.com/moirahttps://theemilyclarke.com/moiraOne lamb, genetically identical to a six-year-old Scottish Blackface ewe, delivered by caesarean at 04:40 on a Tuesday in November.Tue, 03 Nov 2020 00:00:00 GMThttps://theemilyclarke.com/vestibulehttps://theemilyclarke.com/vestibuleEleven tracks made in a spare room in Woodbridge on a borrowed copy of Ableton and a MIDI keyboard with a dead F sharp.Fri, 14 Aug 2020 00:00:00 GMThttps://theemilyclarke.com/canine-tattooisthttps://theemilyclarke.com/canine-tattooistThis is a genuine qualification, it is entirely legitimate, and it is not even slightly what people picture when I say it out loud at a party.Wed, 02 Oct 2019 00:00:00 GMThttps://theemilyclarke.com/cocktail-finalhttps://theemilyclarke.com/cocktail-finalFive minutes, three judges, and a drink whose principal talking point was half a teaspoon of Marmite.Tue, 11 Jun 2019 00:00:00 GMThttps://theemilyclarke.com/northern-soulhttps://theemilyclarke.com/northern-soulSix hours at the Kings Hall on a floor two inches deep in talc, and one backdrop that I landed cleanly for the first and, so far, only time.Sat, 21 Apr 2018 00:00:00 GMThttps://theemilyclarke.com/runner-beanhttps://theemilyclarke.com/runner-beanSixty-three and a half centimetres of Enorma, grown up a cane in a back garden in Woodbridge, ending a nine-year winning streak belonging to a man named Colin.Sat, 09 Sep 2017 00:00:00 GMThttps://theemilyclarke.com/compass-rosehttps://theemilyclarke.com/compass-roseEleven centimetres of very good linework across my left shoulder blade, commissioned on a Tuesday and structurally incorrect by the following spring.Tue, 14 Mar 2017 00:00:00 GMThttps://theemilyclarke.com/quiz-leaguehttps://theemilyclarke.com/quiz-leagueTwenty-two weeks, eleven pubs, and a tiebreak question about tram networks that I have not fully recovered from.Wed, 30 Nov 2016 00:00:00 GMT